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Why I Carried To Term?
Have you just been told that your baby's condition is incompatible with life?
Are Dr.'s suggesting that you terminate the pregnancy, give it some time and try again later?
Are you currently torn between the choice to carry to term and termination?
Do you wonder how or why any woman would carry to term knowing their baby was going to die?
Here are real stories from real women who carried to term despite fatal diagnosis, no woman is the same, but hopefully reading their brief reasons on "why I carried to term" will help you while you make such a difficult choice.
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At 18 weeks gestation we found out that our sweet baby had no kidneys or fluid therefore she would not live outside of my womb. We were given 2 choices; the first was to leave it up to God and carry Shaunna to term, and the second was to interrupt the pregnancy and induce immediately. After a couple days of deciding we chose to "Carry on." Feeling Shaunna kick and squirm, feeling every little hiccup and burp made me know the only right decision was to give her life. She had a purpose on this Earth and I was able to provide that for her. She was meant to live her precious 2 hours and 34 minutes with us. She was meant to come and teach us a few lessons about life, and by carrying her to term I did not interrupt this. If I wouldn't have carried Shaunna to term I would have never seen her beautiful blue eyes, or heard the sweet little noises she made. If I had to do it over again I would not change one thing. To parents that have received a fatal diagnosis for your baby, you will never regret carrying to term. The outcome is what I wanted, I wanted to spend time with my daughter alive, and that is what I got.
* Darby Sellars (Mother to Shaunna Arella Merritt - Born Natually on January 30, 2009 at 34 weeks 5:49AM-8:30AM) Potters Syndrome Angel http://shaunna.weebly.com
When I was 19 weeks pregnant, I was told that something was wrong with my baby's head. The doctor said that she had no brain. I'm sure most people  wouldn't have even considered her to be alive. I was told that I could safely continue my pregnancy and allow her to die naturally at birth, or I could induce labor and terminate the pregnancy. I chose to carry my baby to term for one simple reason: love. In my eyes there was no decision to be made. I had nothing but love and high hopes for her. I named her Faith Hope. I cherished every moment of the pregnancy and even had a baby shower! I savored every kick and turn she made inside my growing belly. Then to everyone's surprise, I was blessed with 3 months and 4 days with Faith before she went to Heaven. She was the sweetest little girl... so beautiful and so full of life. I feel so privileged to be her mommy
I was told to terminate. At 16 weeks I had no fluid at all, complete blockage, I was told three times: 16wks, 17wks, 18wks.
I did contemplate it for about 20 minutes at the 17 week one when we were given a 3% chance of ever meeting him alive. But then thought about it. He was ALIVE in me, growing, thriving...a gift from God. Who am I to ask for the receipt you know...yep God - I want another one instead. Lemon Law!! Uh... no! We just figured God would take him regardless if it was meant to be, if not what a special boy I would have.
They really do try to "get to you" don't they! I wonder how many innocent babies never got to meet mommy and daddy because of these doctor's words that were supposed to be comforting and knowledgeable to the parents?
 I carried to term because I knew it was a decision I would never regret. I wanted to cherish the limited time I had with her and capture those moments. I already loved her so much that I just couldn't fathom letting her go then or by my own decision.
 My angel's name is Kavya Anjali Kumar. Kavya Anjali means "a gift/offering (to God) of poetry". She was born December 26th 2007 at 10:56am, and lived for exactly two hours.
I found out when I was 25 1/2 weeks pregnant that my baby had a birth defect that was "incompatible with life". Three such heartless words that forever changed who I was and who I wanted to be. My initial reaction was to terminate the pregnancy. I was scared and panicked. I was not sure what to do; I was having anxiety attacks when I felt the baby move. Those first couple of days after we found out, this movement was a reminder of pending death. As I contemplated what I wanted to do, my thinking slowly shifted. I remembered how much I loved to feel my baby move before I found out she would die and how excited it made me feel to carry this precious life. I asked myself, what was different? The only difference was that her life would not last as long as I felt that it should. Did I love my baby less because I learned of her death? No. Knowing this, and with assurance from my doctor that Kavya was not suffering, my thinking completely changed. I had not stopped treasuring the life I carried because her life would be too brief. I started to treasure every minute I had with her even more, knowing that what I had would never be enough. I let myself be excited again when I felt her move; evidence of the sweet little baby I had been blessed with, rather than pending death. My baby did not embody death; she was the embodiment of why each second of life is precious - both hers and mine. How could I believe her life to be less valid because it was shorter? How could I decide to take the life that I had been gifted and entrusted with? I could not. I began to spend my time devising ways to feel her move. I sang to her and talked to her, since I knew she could hear my voice. I touched my tummy and made sure she could feel me. My husband would sing into my belly button, and my 2 1/2 year old daughter would lay her head on my growing tummy and talk and sing, or just cuddle her baby sister. We treasured every moment in the only ways we could. It turns out that we got two hours with Kavya outside of my womb, but our lives are forever changed for having had her for those months during pregnancy and those hours of life. I allowed my second daughter to fulfill her life and purpose, and not only am I a better person because of her, but I got to hold my daughter, and see her open her eyes and make noises. My older daughter got to hold her baby sister and hear her "talk". We got beautiful pictures of our family time together. However, I can honestly say that had she never taken a breath, I would treasure our moments that we did have. Every kick and nudge was evidence of the gift of life. I walked with life, not death, inside of me. I have reason to be thankful. As scared as I was, I am so thankful that I did not let myself make a decision out of fear of death, fear of the unknown, or fear of the pain of loss. Any pain I feel and felt was because I love her so deeply, and love is never wrong. My second daughter, Kavya, is one of the best things that ever happened to me. Had I not given her the chance to live out every minute of her life, I may not have been able to say that. Maybe I would only remember the pain and fear, rather than the immense amount of love and peace that she also brought into my life. I held a lifetime in my arms and in my womb; I have been blessed! - * Beth Kumar (Mother to Kavya Anjali) December 26,2007 - Potters Syndrome Angel
 We found out in December 2008 that he had anencephaly, and would pass away soon after birth. We knew from the start that we would carry him to term, and be happy with our decision, and find the good through all of the bad. I feel that God used Seth to bring lots of people closer to Him, because in the 11 short hours that Seth was on the earth he brought hundreds of people closer to God. We knew if we looked close enough we would find the good. and we did..You can follow our story
 When I became pregnant with Emma we were so excited, there was so much hope for a new family of four. When we had our diagnosis with her it was like that all shattered. I knew what Anencephaly was, but I am not sure I knew enough. When faced with an awful situation like a fatal birth defect what do you do? The medical field is telling you there is no chance. Your child will not live; the birth could be a risk for your health and so on and so on. When we had Emma's diagnosis I was in shock. My husband and I did not know where to turn. We both wanted what was best for our baby and to keep me healthy. So it seemed the best decision was to have her and we did. We lost Emma at 21 weeks. The next 19 weeks I not only mourned my daughter, but my pregnancy with her. I thought everyday what I should look like, how big my belly should be and when I should be feeling her kick. I never once thought I did something wrong, but I always wondered if I could have made it a little more right. I don't think I even began to heal until her due date. It was like I needed to get to that point, when she should have been here, to allow myself to heal. When I became pregnant with our son I knew no matter what things would be different. I had learned so much about myself and my strength in carrying and losing Emma. When we had his diagnosis at 18 weeks with Anencephaly my husband and I both knew that we were going to carry him. I had done so much research after we lost Emma and with Connor's diagnosis. My pregnancy with Connor was wonderful. He moved all of the time and kicked and bounced around. I got the joy of motherhood for him by carrying him. I knew he wouldn't live if at all for very long, but it didn't matter. I spent 5 months longer with him than I was able to with Emma. Do I feel bad sometimes that I didn't give Emma that time. Yes and No. We did the best thing for our family that we could have at the place and time we had Emma. If we hadn't lost her the way we did we may have never enjoyed or cherished our time with Connor the way we did. There are things in life you can't change, and maybe they were never meant to be changed. I believe that God sent Emma and Connor both to us for special reasons. Maybe Emma was here to help us appreciate our time with Connor. We had 9 precious months with Connor and we were able to hold him in our arms. He was born to Heaven, but it didn't matter. He was here and he was ours. Any parents faced with theses difficult situations and terrible choices should always do what is best for their family. If I have any advice to give, having lost a child both at 21 weeks and at term, I would carry to term. For all of the things I think I might have changed with Emma, the thought has never crossed my mind for Connor. I know I gave him all of the life that I could and kept him here as long as God gave him. Being able to have my husband and daughter feel his kicks, enjoy my cravings and have the time as a family is something we will always cherish. Emma and Connor have taught us so much about life and about love. They have made our faith stronger and our family stronger. I have had so many people tell me that carrying to term is so brave and that they could never do it. You never know what you are capable of until you are in that situation. Love is a pretty amazing thing and the love you have for your children is powerful. Being a mother is the greatest gift that God can give us. Knowing that your child may not live past birth is a scary thing, but it does not make you love them any less. If anything it allows you to love more openly and more honestly. Emma and Connor have made a great impact on many lives in the short time we had them. I know we will meet our babies again and until that day I know God is holding them close. *Sarah Caito (Mother to Connor Thomas Caito) Born to Heaven on April 14, 2009 Anencephaly Angel
 Our family found out on November 5, 2008 that we would soon be welcoming our third child into our family. We were thrilled as this was a baby we had been praying for God to bless us with. We were ready to grow our family...On February 16, 2009 our world came crashing down around us. We went to our 18 week anatomy ultrasound expecting to find out the sex of our child... not that our baby was going to die. Our son Wyatt was diagnosed with Thanatophoric dysplasia, a condition that is "not compatible with life" as we heard so many times during that awful day. We were advised to terminate the pregnancy and we told doctors immediately that there was no other option but to carry our son as long as God saw fit for him to bless us with his presence. From the time Wyatt's diagnosis was made, my husband and I made it our mission to try and create a lifetime with our son in the short amount of time we would have left with him. We did 4D ultrasounds, a maternity photo shoot, a family vacation to Sea World, a helicopter ride (mommy is scared to death of being off the ground), among so many other things. We sang songs to Wyatt and told him how much we loved him. And we prayed... I made it 33 weeks and 2 days into my pregnancy. On June 1, 2009 my water broke. When we made it to the hospital, they hooked me up to every type of monitor they could find. Wyatt was still alive! Wyatt Nathaniel Finchum was born at 10:03 am. I got to see his chest rise and fall with the breath of life God chose to give him. Wyatt never cried. He never opened his eyes or even moved his little body. But he lived. I got to breathe the same air as my son for 2 precious minutes before he passed peacefully into the arms of God. Those 2 minutes will probably be the most precious 120 seconds of my life. If I had chosen to terminate the pregnancy, I would have robbed Wyatt of his life and I would have robbed the world of all the beauty my 4 pound 0.6 ounce little boy brought with him.
We found out our Thomas had Potter's Syndrome midway through the pregnancy and we heard the words, "incompatible with life". After listening to the doctors, praying, and searching the scriptures, we chose to continue our pregnancy...trusting God to carry us through and trusting Him with the life of our son. The journey was difficult, but God's grace was sufficient. And we cherished the time we had with sweet Thomas. When He was born at 38 weeks, I felt the peace and assurance of Jesus' presence filling the room. Our Thomas was beautiful...and it was one of the greatest moments of my life to sing to him as he went straight from my arms to the arms of Jesus. I am so grateful for the gift of his life and for every moment we were given with him, and we wouldn't trade that time for anything in the world. To read more about Thomas and his sisters, Faith and Grace, please visit our blog:
 We were told at 12 weeks that our baby had Anencephaly. We decided to carry to term and that is a decision we will never regret. We never had to choose when our child would go to be with God. We were blessed with 43 wonderful hours with our angel Amiee. We were able to create memories that will stay with us for life. Although we have the pain of the loss we have the joy of the memories, being able to hold our angel and feed her and hear her cry. She even got the hiccups. Our daughter’s life has touched many people. I feel so honored to be her mommy and to know that I gave her the most precious gift, Life.* Mary Myers (Mother to Amiee Nicole) July 25, 2009 – July 27, 2009 Anencephaly Angel www.amieenicolemyers.blogspot.com
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