While you are carrying   

 

• There is always hope, if you believe in a higher power or not, remember there are such things as medical mistakes, incredible medical mysteries, and miracles.
• Keep in mind that becoming pregnant is a gift itself, some women will never experience.
• You and your partner did nothing wrong. Do not blame yourself for the condition that has occurred, you are a wonderful mother.
• Take photos of everything and everywhere you go. Remember that your baby goes everywhere you do, experiences everything you allow him or her to even inside of the womb, so documenting these adventures will allow you to have a lifetime of wonderful memories.
• Get in contact with the resources that are available, NILMDTS is a wonderful organization that takes maternity and infant bereavement photos free of charge. You may think that you don’t want pictures now, but in the weeks, months, or years following an infant death, those photos may be wanted.
•  A wonderful book to read is Waiting with Gabriel by Amy Kuebelbeck, M.A. It will offer wonderful encouraging support through your journey of CTT
• Talk to someone who you trust. Who will not judge you, but instead guide you and support you.
• If you are computer savvy or open to telling your story, start a free online blog, you can make it public or private.  Blogs are wonderful ways to express yourself, tell your story, give family and friends updates and with public blogs, you can gain many wonderful supporters, it’s also a lifelong diary of things that you may forget over time.  *Be advised that with public blogs you can or may encounter someone who doesn’t agree with your choice
• Come to terms with the possible outcome for your baby. It’s ok to be afraid, upset or sad in regards to your case. Try not to focus all your energy on those bad feelings, remember your baby still feels through you.
• You are still a pregnant woman. Taking your pre natal’s, eating healthy, drinking lots of water and getting proper rest are still good things and very much needed. The goal is to show your baby the best of the best for whatever time he or she will be with you, inside and out of the womb.
• Surround yourself with loving and supportive people and try not to stress, stressed out mommies make stressed out babies, means early labor and less time with you.
• Be prepared, have birth ideas ready, and make sure that you’ve discussed some of the things you want with your medical staff and hospital team; they will do their best to work with you, but obviously can’t promise anything.
• Educate yourself on the condition that is said to be fatal to your baby.
• Buy blankets, teddy bears and clothes for your baby. If you’re said to have a preemie baby 5 lbs and under, Build a Bear clothes will fit perfect and come in many different designs and styles.
• Purchase plaster kits to make hand and feet molds.
• Don’t forget your cell phone or charger, but stay safe and have a list of important people to call when you go into labor or have the baby. The staff will be happy to make a few calls for you.
• Don’t forget your camera, but stay safe and purchase 1 or 2 disposable cameras, ask for a nurse or nurse assistant to come in and take as many pictures as possible.
• Find a special lotion and body wash for your baby’s first bath; the scent should be unique so that when you smell it you know that, that scent is the scent of your very own angel.
• Bring an extra t-shirt (white) to place the hand and feet ink prints on.
• Don’t forget to love, hug, kiss, sing, talk to, and cherish that lil one while inside and outside the womb.

 For labor and delivery and the birth

 

• If you have a scheduled induction or C section date set, try not to go into the hospital in the state of mind that you are going to birth a baby that is going to die. Bring board games, cards, lap top, etc to lighten the mood.
• It’s your baby’s birthday, when are birthdays sad? Bring balloons and a birthday cake to the hospital. The idea is to be able to say you did as much with your baby while you had them. This applies to babies born sleeping also. Don’t forget to sing happy birthday to your little one.  
• Don’t forget a lock of hair if your baby is born with hair.
• Don't forget your baby's arm bands and bed tag
• Before you deliver talk with the hospital staff and your Dr. or Nurse Midwife, to find out how much you are able to do in special cases like these for example find out if you can:          
•  -Cut the cord
•  -Give your baby its first bath
•  -If doing a vaginal delivery, assist   in delivery  once the head and arms are out
•  -Keep your baby on your chest until the placenta expels and do not cut the cord until then. 
• Make sure that everyone that has a free hand, has a camera in their hand, you will be surprised with what others capture that you may miss. If possible take them in black and white, it hides flaws
• If you send your baby to the morgue, you cannot get him or her back, please make sure you are 100% ready for that to be your last goodbye on that day.
• You do not have to leave the hospital ASAP, stay the entire time allowed by your insurance, keep your baby on the floor with you; most hospitals have small coolers to keep your baby in when not with you, to preserve the body and color. Enjoy the time at the hospital, going home can be hard.
• If you are delivering at a hospital with a NICU they will most likely have a high risk L&D also, you can request to be moved into a room in that area.
• Just because your baby is "sleeping" doesn’t mean you can’t dress him or her or brush their hair. Play dress up and take lots of photos
• Consider sleeping with your baby the first night, again just another thing to say you’ve done.
• You may feel anger, whether you have a religious background or not, remember most hospitals have a Chaplain on site, if not they can get one.
• If you have a thought or question, don’t hesitate to ask, you may be surprised with the response or answer
• The main goal is to not regret or wish you would have, could have or should have…… so take this time to think about your options

 Notes

This information should, by no means, replace the medical attention and advice of your doctor.