The funeral/memorial is one of the first steps into your grieving process, you can take as much time as you need to plan this, but for the most part services usually take place about a week after the loss.  

                                   

	as weird as this may sound, we knew our son's funeral would most likely be the only thing we would be able to do for him... we wanted it to be perfect – Danielle Finchum

	Our funeral home let us have her service a week after she was born. The funeral director advised us he wouldn't want to wait any longer than that to have it. We wanted to have a weekend service so that more of our family and friends could come to it – Holly Haas

·         Now you need to decide upon cremation or burial.

§  Please try not to over stress on this issue consider:

-          Religious belief’s

-          Current financial situation

-          Family tradition

-          Do you plan on moving away?

	We are military and we will be for a while, we will move around from place to place and at the moment have no idea, or have not agreed where we will retire. Neither Van nor I have a family cemetery, where other relatives are buried. - Stephanie Stewart

-          Select the burial outfit

-          Find and select the cemetery you want your angel to be buried at

-          Pay special attention to the way the grounds are kept

-          Find out what type of rules they have for planting flowers and leaving items

-          Find out the hours in which you will be able to visit and spend time with your angel

-          Be sure to get pricing information

-          Consider purchasing the plots for yourself and your spouse next to your angel's if you would also liked to be buried in the same cemetery near your baby

-          Some cemeteries have “Baby land” a place where only babies are buried, you can check into that also

-          Ask as many questions as you can and ask anything that comes to thought.

-          Next you need to select a casket and a vault for the casket to be placed in. ( Vaults are used as a protector to the casket)

-          Caskets come in, copper, wood, steel, particle board, plastic, and Styrofoam.  Each vary in price, this is a decision that you will have to make based on what you like and your financial situation. Be sure to ask the funeral home if there is anything they can do to help you. Some are very generous when it comes to infant loss.

	Let me just say, nothing, and I mean nothing; can prepare you for seeing a baby casket. Especially when you know it's meant for your child. – Danielle Finchum

 

-          Find out if the funeral home cremates infants free of charge, most funeral homes do as a courtesy for families. Some offer it for half price

-          Decide if you want your baby present at the time of services for a final viewing. Ask if they have a sample casket that can be used for the viewing only, they also can place the baby in a nicely dressed up wicker basket, for the viewing only.

-          Decide if you want to spread the ashes and where, or if you want to keep them

-          Select an urn, or something to keep the ashes in.  Be Aware that the funeral home will give you the ashes in a thick plastic Tupperware like container, unless you provided them the urn before picking up the ashes. Some may think this is a cold and harsh way to recieve their baby.

-          Infant ashes are only about a handful, so the urn does not have to be big, and they make special keepsake urn lockets that a small amount of ashes can be kept in. This is ideal for if you decided to spread them but still want to keep a few. See My Forever Child

-          There are also teddy bear urns in which the ashes can be placed inside a cuddly teddy bear.

-          In some cases the ashes may not be ready at the time of the memorial service, so you do not have to rush to get an urn.

 

	I held Carleigh for both visitations and the service so she was never really in her casket. This is something a lot of people aren't aware that they can do and some funeral personnel may not offer it, but the parents have a right to do so. – Holly Haas

-          Will the services be held in a church, funeral home chapel, graveside service or home service?

-          Music and photos , if you want to prepare a slideshow do they have the equipment for that

-          If you provide them with photos and music can they create the slide show for you

-          Do you want your angel at the service? Open or closed casket?

-          Did you know that some funeral homes will allow you to hold your baby during services? You may want to ask if that’s ok. 

-          Do you want a memorial table? What items would you like to be on that table?

-          You may want to have input in the order of the service

-          How long do you expect the service to be?

-          Do you want a pastor, priest, or close friend or family member to officiate the service?

-          If you have a pastor or priest speaking, be sure to explain to them what type of message you want them to pass on to the attendants

-          Flowers, plants or balloons?

-          Candles? Scented or not scented?

-          Find out if the funeral home provides programs, if they don’t they should be able to suggest someone who can make them for you, however they are not very hard to make in Microsoft word

-          Some funeral homes provide you with a special guest book, and thank you cards. It’s best to ask before the service just in case you need to pick up one.

	I wanted the guest to leave the service; hug their husbands, wives and run fast to go pick up their kids. I did not want them to leave thinking "what kind of God do we have that would take a baby". – Stephanie Stewart

·         There is no right or wrong way to hold a funeral/ memorial service. However this is the last celebration of your baby’s life, it can be a traditional funeral or you can break the mold and select something more unique and modern. Whatever you select make sure that you are happy with your choice.